This kid starts prep on Monday. This hilarious, outspoken, happy-go-lucky, classic of a kid. I had been feeling ok about it. Looking forward to it actually, as she’s been a right pain in the butt lately!! Not only that, I know just how super excited she is to go to school with her sister which makes me equally excited for her. Her starting Prep didn’t make me feel anything but pumped.
But then I saw Helen’s Facebook video the other day (go and check it out, it’s a tear jerks!) and it suddenly dawned on me. We have no time together now, Penny and Me. We wasted her last year at home.
Once upon a time, we were the best of friends. She was my affectionate child, the kisser, the cuddler, the one who would smoosh her face against mine every chance she got, or hold my hand while we watched movies on the couch, or demand that I rock her back and forth when she hurt herself or was upset. We had a very physical relationship, she and I, right up until August last year. Until Jacob was born.
And then I yelled a bit more, lost my patience easier, had little time for her when I was feeding, changing, trying to get Jacob to sleep and stay asleep. And then Daddy became the favourite. Daddy was the one she wanted in the night when she’d had a bad dream. Which, of course, I’m not upset about… at all… no really… I promise 😭
I feel like her kinder year, the year I should have been taking her on wild, fun adventures gallivanting all over the Mornington Peninsula and Melbourne, was wasted because I felt the only way I could get through the first year of Jacob’s life without going batshit crazy was to enforce strict nap routines at home. Keep everything simple and relatively stress free. And so I did that, I fixed his catnapping problems, he began to sleep like a trooper, I was calmer, I regained my sanity and all was well in the world…
But was it? In doing so, Penny missed out on Mummy and Me time. She missed out on the fun me. Sure, we did some fun things at home, like play dough and baking and picnics in the backyard. But mainly she was bored at home and slowly but surely I feel as though we drifted apart. Her respect for me began to fray 😔
Now, it could be that she grew older, it could be that being five means you don’t need mum to rock you back and forth and tickle you and hold your hand all the time. But I think not. And now that she’s off to school in a matter of days. I suddenly feel a deep sadness, I will never get this time back😢
I’m so sorry my love. I’m sorry my attention was elsewhere throughout your kinder year. I’m sorry your memories of being four weren’t amazing, I’m sorry I couldn’t do kinder duty, or take you out for a whole day. I’m sorry we didn’t do more, cuddle more, play more, see more, explore more.
Perhaps it’s a case of too little too late, but we now have five Wednesdays ahead of us, where she has no school, and I’m going to damn well use these days to rekindle what we have lost. To build back this relationship that was once so strong and so magnetic. I’ve put Jacob in daycare and every Wednesday until Labour Day and for those five days, I’m dedicating them to you, I’m all yours my little Preppy…